Post Contributor Kevin Alexander: We recently met Kevin from NiceGuyDating.ca during a podcast interview discussing Style and Dating for Men. Kevin brings a great sense of humour, keen insight, and a genuine, honest-to-goodness "nice guy" attitude to his work. We were happy when he contacted us to share the following post about another important aspect of Image and Style: Congruent Body Language. -- k&j
The Secret Art of Ninja Style
When I spoke with Kylie & Jonathan about contributing a guest post for their blog, I knew I had to write about congruence.
Kids know about congruence tremendously well, because when they dress up for Halloween, for example, they act in accordance with their costume.
I remember dressing up as a ninja for Halloween when I was a kid, and thinking I knew all the secrets of Kung Fu.
If I saw another ninja out trick-or- treating, it was on like Donkey Kong, my friend.
Congruence is when you dress the part, AND when you act the part.
3 Body Language Mistakes
With KYJO's help, you're now dressing the part of a Nice Guy who is finishing first with women and with life.
Now that you're taking your outer appearance more seriously, people will begin to take you more seriously.
When it comes to Nice Guys who feel like they're finishing last, there are 3 key body language mistakes that every Nice Guy makes that will make or break your actual success.
It's one thing to look like you're on top of your game, and it's another to look AND act like you're on top of your game.
1. Owning Your Space
A bicyclist was fast approaching...
"Wow, you really are a Nice Guy!" I said, as my student stepped off the pathway that runs through the park we were working in.
“Nice Guys who feel like they’re finishing last spend a lot of time and energy moving out of everyone’s way.
”
I was getting him to approach complete strangers in the park to work on his approach anxiety, when a bicyclist was approaching on the multi-use pathway we were standing on.
As my student stepped off the pathway and onto the grass, I kept my position standing on the pathway.
"I'm not acting! I really am a Nice Guy!" he said, as the bicyclist simply went around me on the other side, whizzing past without hesitation or complaint.
"Get back over here, dude, we need to work on you owning your space!" I ushered him back over, and we talked about the social dynamics of owning your space.
You see, Nice Guys who feel like they're finishing last spend a lot of time and energy moving out of everyone's way.
Every time you move off course for someone who never asked you to, you are fully disrespecting yourself, which is not something someone who dresses like you would do to yourself.
To maintain congruence with the respect that you have for yourself, and the respect that people have for you, it's crucial to own your space.
Don't be a jerk, don't spread yourself out wider than necessary in a territorial dominance display, don't be rude if someone politely asks you to move.
Simply maintain your space. It's yours. That's why you took it, remember?
Take notice of yourself when you're in a group situation and see how many times you excuse yourself, apologize, and move out of the way when you never had to.
As weird as it's going to feel at first; stop moving out of the way for people who never asked you to do so.
A Nice Guy who dresses like you owns his space.
2. Smirking Not Smiling
Nothing is creepier than a guy whose face hurts, because he spends his whole day smiling for no reason.
Granted, if you're getting paid to smile like a goofball all day long, then keep at it. I'm sure it's great work for those who can find it.
“Nothing is creepier than a guy whose face hurts, because he spends his whole day smiling for no reason.”
However, back here in reality, you're more than likely actually losing money by smiling all the time.
Let me ask you a deeply personal question:
Does your boss smile all the time?
Chances are, you just shook your head "No", and maybe even said out-loud that your boss smiles the least out of everyone in your team.
Note: He makes more money than you.
It's time to use your face the same way you use your clothing, and that means with purpose.
Clothing Example: The reason you wore shorts today was because it was too hot for pants, and the place you were going allows casual clothing.
Face Example: The reason you smiled for a moment was because something worth smiling over, prompted you to smile.
A Nice Guy who dresses like you knows when to smile.
3. Look Up, Mate
Seriously. There's a whole world up here where the rest of us reside, and we'd love to see your handsome face.
“Start looking up. Walk like a free man, because you are a free man. And look men and women in the eye.”
Far too many Nice Guys have poor posture, stare at their shoes, never look a woman in the eye, and wonder why they feel like they're finishing last.
Not only is it detrimental to your health to have poor posture, it communicates to people that you have no respect for yourself, and that you feel like you're unworthy of their time and attention.
After KYJO shows you the potential of physical appearance through your own personal style, it's crucial to match that up with how you carry yourself.
It just won't make any sense to be dressed as sharp as a tack, only to follow it up with poor posture and looking at the floor.
And it's just selfish to keep your handsome face from people.
Fact: People like handsome faces.
So start looking up. Walk like a free man, because you are a free man. And look men and women in the eye.
A Nice Guy who dresses like you looks up.
Kevin Alexander is the founder of Nice Guy Dating and is a Dating/Relationship Coach in Edmonton, Alberta. He brings a brashness and boldness to his work with men, truly helping Nice Guys finish first with women.